The Realities of “Single Married Moms”


The realities of the different challenges faced by  mothers whether married, divorced, separated, singles daily differs a lot.

This brings to my asking, “Can a married woman ever really call herself a single mom?”

As shocking as it may seem, its a new phenomena these days, with a lot of facts to buttress the fact.  The Obamas seem to think so too. This video clip says a lot.

The President of the United States of America, Barak Obama had to defend First Lady Michelle Obama’s recent slip-up, in which she called herself a “busy single mother” in a TV interview.

“I tend to cut my wife or anybody some slack when it comes to just a slip of the tongue,” the President told Today’s Savannah Guthrie. “But there’s no doubt that there’ve been times where Michelle probably felt like a single mom. … When I was running for the U.S. Senate, when I was running for president, there were times where I wouldn’t see her for a week, and she was still working and having to look after the girls.”

Strange as it may sound, this can’t possibly be true. I mean with all the staff working in the White House she must have a lot of willing hands to help out anytime. However, like many mothers with busy husband, Mrs Obama, is not excepted from this feel of being “married single mother”

A lot of dads are working in establishements, companies with time consuming hours as demanded by their jobs. Some long hours in meetings,  traffic, board meetings, out of town travels etc. The list goes on and on depending on the job description of the dads.

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk with a young lady, Nkechi, married with 3 kids. Happily married. However, she wished her husband would spend more time at home with the family. Patrick is an Engineer with one of the oil companies in Nigeria. He is on-shore for 2 weeks and off-shore for 2 weeks which he spends with the family. At times 3months on a go. He can get called up for emergencies. Special days in the family are left at the mercies of his availability. Nkechi prays things will change but its not likely. Maybe if he chooses to retire sooner than he is expected, until then she is managing raising the kids herself as a “married single mother.

The number seems to be increasing as these mothers married to spouses of busy company executives, politicians, doctors and entrepreneurs even clergies. Juggling these roles of both parents by mothers on a daily basis is definately no easy task.

These feelings may be common place to single parents, but families with work-absentee husbands also face their own set of unique challenges when dads reappears and tries to blend back into the flow of things.

The same might be said for medical directors, Doctors in large establishments who although may not have to travel often, but are frequently called away on management meetings, emergencies and miss out on family gatherings, school events and their own families’ little emergencies.

Dr. Ayobami Theo, works with one of the government establishments in Federal capital, Abuja, falls into this category. Martha, his wife of 15years, with 2 teenage kids, has learnt how to adjust to their family life style.

Another class of “married single moms” are those married to military officers. The emphasis is on those who are deployed on peace keeping force. The mothers are not just saddled with the responsibilities of running the family alone but the fear and anxiety of the safety of their spouses..

Kudos to all mothers out there who have learnt how to be self sufficient and cope with all their challenges.

Have a blessed week


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